My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize