My friends, they love my intelligence
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you had me at cake vodka
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
