I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize