We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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