I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize