i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
