i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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