They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
