One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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