Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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