It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize