After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
