Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
