break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
