They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
