Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
