Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
