well I can't set my house on fire every night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
