i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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