my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
