He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
