Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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