Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
