I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
