I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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