so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
