Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems