I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.