Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker