Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.