they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.