She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
