i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
