you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need to align my fucking chakras
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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