Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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