My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why do cheetos always look like penises
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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