he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
