i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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