She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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