ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's how pantless uber rides happen
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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