hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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