I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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