Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
