Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
