Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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