I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
