He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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