didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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