idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
