My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
