I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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