i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
