His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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