Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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