I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
