I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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