It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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