Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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