How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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