Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
