and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
