Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
