just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
