It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
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the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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