I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize