it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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