Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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