I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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