she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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