He uses pillows to masturbate.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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