if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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