If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
