Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She even gives head with a lisp.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
